Okay, I'm a couple days late with this because I forgot about it. (And I don't have the ISWG pic because I haven't saved it to this new computer yet) But, better late than not at all. This is my Insecure Writer's Support Group post and if you don't know about it, head on over to the awesome Alex J Cavanaugh's blog and check it out.
So, you saw the title...Let's see if I can make sense of it. I'm so insecure right now that I'm pretty sure my insecurities are becoming insecure and making me even more insecure.
I haven't done very many writerly things lately, it's been way too long. And since it's been so long, I can't seem to get my crap together and get back in the game. I find myself wondering if I'll even be able to write again. What if I sit down, open up one of my WIPs, and can't write anything? What if I do write something and it's terrible? What if I forget where I was going with the stories I've already started? What if, what if, what if...
Then there's critiquing...What if I'm not good enough to critique anymore? What if I have nothing helpful to say? What if I miss something that isn't right because I forgot that it's not right? What if I point out something because I think it's wrong, but it's not? What if, what if, what if...
And can't forget blogging...I'm afraid to blog because I'm not sure what to blog about. Then I find myself wondering the same, what if. What if I post something no one wants to read? What if I post something and I sound like an idiot? What if, what if, what if...
What if I am so out of the social and writerly loop that I can't find my way back in? What if I'm so lost that the path is gone to me? What if I just can't do it anymore? What if in losing myself, I've lost everything I've worked on, time I put in, friends I've made...What if I've messed up and people think I'm just a flake and I can't be taken seriously and I'm not worth the time of even paying any attention to what I have to say?
I've never felt so insecure in my life. This is my rock bottom I think. I wasn't even sure I'd write this post honestly. I'm not used to being that insecure and I'm definitely not that used to talking about it.
I do want to say, I thought over some of those 'what ifs' prior to posting this. I did squash some of the negative thoughts. I may not be completely sure that I will still be able to write, but I think so. I mean, I have to be able to. I love it, want it, need it. There's too much in my head, I'd go nuts if I didn't find a way to put it into stories. Most of the other 'what ifs' are still there, but I won't know until I try. I'm not even sure how to make myself get back into the groove, but I WILL figure it out. I can't give up no matter how long it takes me to claw myself out of this pile of funk.
Anyway, this post went on for longer than I intended, so that's it. These are my insecurities at the moment...sorry I was late with the post.
I hope you all have an awesome weekend :)