Until Next Year-Part 2

And it continues...

So, really though, all that boo-hoo, whiny, poor us crap aside-Christmas wasn't completely horrible. No matter how old I get, I'm still that kid who can't sleep well Christmas Eve Night and gets up at the crack of dawn after not sleeping. And it's not because I was anxious for presents or whatever else, I just find joy in Christmas and when it's near I gain this odd energy that carries me through most of December on hardly any sleep. That's not what made Christmas not so bad though. It was getting together with all of my family on Christmas and then getting to redo it all over again with my dad's side the day after. I love spending time with all of my family. Plus my kids had a great day both days and that's great too.

I love Christmas, for many reasons. I could go into a rant about what I think about Christmas and people and whatnot, but I won't because I don't want this second post to get into anything negative.

So moving on...

I still have no plans for this blog. I keep thinking something will come. That one day I will wake up and think, yes! New blog idea. But, it doesn't happen. I can't even write these days. So, I'm going to make a list, something like a resolution list I guess. It'll be my to do for the new year and I'm going to think of ways I could get myself to actually do it and not let myself down.

That's really the end of my 2014 blogging. I will return tomorrow with a list. Because maybe if I write it out and post it for all to see, it'll help me hold myself to it. Maybe I'll take a screen shot of that list and make it my desktop and screensaver and whatever else...

Until then, I really do love that you all stuck with it this year. I kept bsing, and giving up, and trying and failing...My blog was damn-near deserted and yet you stayed with me. Faithful to the end. I really appreciate that. It's an awesomeness in each of you that I can only hope to repay next year the way I should've in 2014. You're all great and I'm so thankful.

See you in 2015! :)

Until Next Time

I wasn't going to write anymore blogs this year, but I wanted to wrap up the end of this year and maybe get things geared up for next year. Where to start this two part post though...

Guess I can start with my Christmas. It was a mix of yay and bah humbug. My kids started acting up really bad a few weeks before and it just got worse and worse. They were fighting each other (and I mean that physically and verbally), they were back talking everyone (even strangers), and they kept going back and forth between 'not caring' if they got presents and not believing they wouldn't get any. If it weren't for the heartbreak I'd feel for them when they woke up Christmas to nothing at all, I wouldn't have given them a damn thing. They were hateful and horrible. Then, Christmas came and they were sweet, they listened, they played and enjoyed, they minded (for the most part) and I was glad I didn't take their things.

But, then there was the one family member who let us down a bit. I mean, this is my blog so really I should only speak for myself, so I will. I was disappointed. And what hurt the most is, I never thought this family member would disappoint me so bad. I kind of always knew she'd end up letting down some of the other family and I'd be let down a little too. But this, man, it was hurtful. And it wasn't anything so omg, just enough that it hurt. Plus it made my family members hurt and I don't like that, even from other family.

Oh and let me not forget the asshole(s) who broke into my aunt's home Christmas morning while she was out of town house-sitting for a friend. She lives in a good enough neighborhood, with neighbors watching out, it shouldn't have happened. Honestly, my family-mom and dad's side alike- just can't catch a damn break. We try, we do good, sure we screw up here and there, but nothing different than others. And yet, Karma comes around. Karma, the bitch we all hate, yet know she's there just waiting for the perfect time to strike. It seems for our family, several times a year (and I mean several) is the perfect time. Somewhere along the line, my ancestors must have really fucked up or something because man...

Not to leave off on a bad note, but I don't want to cram a bunch into one post, so this will be part one and part two will come tomorrow. It'll be better, honest.

Have a great Tuesday everyone, see you tomorrow. :)

Where does the time go...

(Before we get into this, you must take time to check out the awesome Alex J Cavanaugh and then hop on over to HERE and see the co-hosts for the month. Also make sure to visit the Insecure Writer's Support Group website.) (And, PS, I so didn't win NaNoWriMo, but I'm hopeful I can win another year.)

Weeks, months, years...it all seems to fly by so quick these days. My kids talk like 1985 was so long ago and I say, not really, then I look up and it's almost 2015 and damn, I'll be thirty in a year. When did that happen?

Thirty and what have I managed to accomplish in the last several years?

I think what's getting me most about the time flying is that I have absolutely zero feelings of accomplishment. I haven't read in a while, I'm so dang behind on several book series' that I really love. I can't remember the last time I actually finished a draft of one dang book, much less a first complete edit. My kids are behind on their school (at least that's just a few lessons behind) and the house is barely hanging in there, just teetering on a 'I'm not cluttered, but please don't put anything else in me' sort of thing. I haven't critted anything and I don't even know if I'm still welcome in the crit group and rather than sucking it up and asking, I'm too ashamed. And that's where I am right now at the end of this year.

Ashamed.

Which I guess makes me a bit insecure this month. Maybe a lot. Here I am at the ass-end of another year and I'm feeling like a junkie who happened to find just enough laying around to get one last ride in. And I rode that high proudly as if it would never go away and I'd at least be able to maintain. But, like all highs, I was bound to come down eventually. Now, I need some rehab, a swift kick in the butt, and my feet planted firmer under me and my head screwed on tight (or at least on enough to use it productively).

Bottom line is my year was up, down, up, down, up, down and it's not just this year. This started happening last year and really it happened a few years before that. I'm tired of it and I hope it won't happen again. I hope that I can start 2015 off with a whole lot of positivity and a good up that doesn't bottom out suddenly. I don't want to keep having posts of nothing but me saying, "I'm getting some stuff done finally, yay." and then, "I suck this month and haven't done anything." I've got plans for this next year and I'm tired of feeling ashamed.

This may suck as an IWSG post(and it's probably a bit long), but as long as I get my head out of my ass and keep it out, I plan on having better posts for 2015.

Thanks for hanging in there with me, sorry for this blog being so sucky this year, hope I can make up for it. Have an awesome December and I'll catch you next year. :)

Madness With a Side of IWSG

It's that time again...time for NaNoWriMo!

No, that's not really what I'm going to write about, well, technically I'll mention it, but I really mean it's time for another Insecure Writers Support Group post. AND I'm on time, YAY! (Well, it may not be early like I prefer to post, but hey, it is the first Wednesday so I'm getting better.)


Before I go on, make sure you're in the know when it comes to the wonderful awesomeness that is Alex J Cavanaugh. Also check out the IWSG website.

I've been crazy busy because I started my kids in an online homeschool program, but I started NaNo. I haven't made as much progress as I would like to have at this time, but I've made progress and that's what counts for me.

That's all I'm going to say about NaNo though.

Since I haven't been writing much, I haven't thought much about insecurities or securities. I have been a little worried that I won't be able to get NaNo done. I've already started three different WIPs because I stalled on each one. I shouldn't have done that though because now I've got three ideas going and I'm not sure which one to work on. It makes me have really mixed up, weird, nonsense dreams because all my ideas are merging together when I sleep. Which doesn't help when I wake up because then I have a hard time serparating the ideas. And there's no mixing these up so they need to stay separated.

But my indecision didn't stop me from writing 1223 words last night. It may have been a combined total from two different WIPs, but it was all during the 1k1hr I was working on. Idk, maybe I should just WIP-jump for now and see where it takes me. I haven't really written anything before now in so long that maybe I need to just get back in the groove of things and one WIP will stand out against the three.

I guess that's my IWSG post for the month. Maybe I'm a little of both, maybe my crazy non-writer life is making it hard to feel insecure or secure. I think I'm just happy that I haven't completely lost my mind in general so everything else is just proof that I'm still functioning in all the madness.

Anyway, hope this post makes sense, and if not I'm sure my ramblings are to be expected anyway. Have an awesome Wednesday, maybe I'll get it together and see you again before the month is up. :)

Feeling A Little Of Both This IWSG Wednesday

(I set this as a scheduled post so I'd actually have it up first thing, but Idk what happened because it didn't post...Oh well, it's here now.)

It’s another Insecure Writer’s Support Group Wednesday. I’ve managed to accomplish a whole bunch of nothing this past month in regards to writerly things. I’m not even sure if I’m secure or insecure either…

I’ve been dreaming of my various characters. I’ve made up whole scenes and chapters during drives to and from places. I’ve even sat at my computer pumped to do some critting/writing/editing/other related writerly things and then passed out because I’ve been so exhausted. But, nothing much has actually come of it.

I do have moments during the day that I worry I’m ruining everything for myself and then I have moments that I explain to myself how busy I am and that things will smooth out and start working just fine really soon. But then I go back to doubting anything will ever go back to being right and wondering if I’m really a writer. Of course, if I wasn’t a writer I don’t think I’d have the tons of ideas, dreams, and desires related to the writerly world.

So, I’ll go with a little insecure, a little secure, and a whole bunch of I’m determined to have something more to say next month.

Make sure you hop over to the wonderful Alex J Cavanaugh. Check out this month’s hosts too- Laura (My Baffling Brain), Mark Koopmans, Shah Wharton, and Sheena-Kay Graham. And don’t forget about the IWSG Website.

Until next time, have a wonderful day/week/month and I’ll see you soon. J