Until Next Year-Part 2

And it continues...

So, really though, all that boo-hoo, whiny, poor us crap aside-Christmas wasn't completely horrible. No matter how old I get, I'm still that kid who can't sleep well Christmas Eve Night and gets up at the crack of dawn after not sleeping. And it's not because I was anxious for presents or whatever else, I just find joy in Christmas and when it's near I gain this odd energy that carries me through most of December on hardly any sleep. That's not what made Christmas not so bad though. It was getting together with all of my family on Christmas and then getting to redo it all over again with my dad's side the day after. I love spending time with all of my family. Plus my kids had a great day both days and that's great too.

I love Christmas, for many reasons. I could go into a rant about what I think about Christmas and people and whatnot, but I won't because I don't want this second post to get into anything negative.

So moving on...

I still have no plans for this blog. I keep thinking something will come. That one day I will wake up and think, yes! New blog idea. But, it doesn't happen. I can't even write these days. So, I'm going to make a list, something like a resolution list I guess. It'll be my to do for the new year and I'm going to think of ways I could get myself to actually do it and not let myself down.

That's really the end of my 2014 blogging. I will return tomorrow with a list. Because maybe if I write it out and post it for all to see, it'll help me hold myself to it. Maybe I'll take a screen shot of that list and make it my desktop and screensaver and whatever else...

Until then, I really do love that you all stuck with it this year. I kept bsing, and giving up, and trying and failing...My blog was damn-near deserted and yet you stayed with me. Faithful to the end. I really appreciate that. It's an awesomeness in each of you that I can only hope to repay next year the way I should've in 2014. You're all great and I'm so thankful.

See you in 2015! :)

Until Next Time

I wasn't going to write anymore blogs this year, but I wanted to wrap up the end of this year and maybe get things geared up for next year. Where to start this two part post though...

Guess I can start with my Christmas. It was a mix of yay and bah humbug. My kids started acting up really bad a few weeks before and it just got worse and worse. They were fighting each other (and I mean that physically and verbally), they were back talking everyone (even strangers), and they kept going back and forth between 'not caring' if they got presents and not believing they wouldn't get any. If it weren't for the heartbreak I'd feel for them when they woke up Christmas to nothing at all, I wouldn't have given them a damn thing. They were hateful and horrible. Then, Christmas came and they were sweet, they listened, they played and enjoyed, they minded (for the most part) and I was glad I didn't take their things.

But, then there was the one family member who let us down a bit. I mean, this is my blog so really I should only speak for myself, so I will. I was disappointed. And what hurt the most is, I never thought this family member would disappoint me so bad. I kind of always knew she'd end up letting down some of the other family and I'd be let down a little too. But this, man, it was hurtful. And it wasn't anything so omg, just enough that it hurt. Plus it made my family members hurt and I don't like that, even from other family.

Oh and let me not forget the asshole(s) who broke into my aunt's home Christmas morning while she was out of town house-sitting for a friend. She lives in a good enough neighborhood, with neighbors watching out, it shouldn't have happened. Honestly, my family-mom and dad's side alike- just can't catch a damn break. We try, we do good, sure we screw up here and there, but nothing different than others. And yet, Karma comes around. Karma, the bitch we all hate, yet know she's there just waiting for the perfect time to strike. It seems for our family, several times a year (and I mean several) is the perfect time. Somewhere along the line, my ancestors must have really fucked up or something because man...

Not to leave off on a bad note, but I don't want to cram a bunch into one post, so this will be part one and part two will come tomorrow. It'll be better, honest.

Have a great Tuesday everyone, see you tomorrow. :)

Where does the time go...

(Before we get into this, you must take time to check out the awesome Alex J Cavanaugh and then hop on over to HERE and see the co-hosts for the month. Also make sure to visit the Insecure Writer's Support Group website.) (And, PS, I so didn't win NaNoWriMo, but I'm hopeful I can win another year.)

Weeks, months, years...it all seems to fly by so quick these days. My kids talk like 1985 was so long ago and I say, not really, then I look up and it's almost 2015 and damn, I'll be thirty in a year. When did that happen?

Thirty and what have I managed to accomplish in the last several years?

I think what's getting me most about the time flying is that I have absolutely zero feelings of accomplishment. I haven't read in a while, I'm so dang behind on several book series' that I really love. I can't remember the last time I actually finished a draft of one dang book, much less a first complete edit. My kids are behind on their school (at least that's just a few lessons behind) and the house is barely hanging in there, just teetering on a 'I'm not cluttered, but please don't put anything else in me' sort of thing. I haven't critted anything and I don't even know if I'm still welcome in the crit group and rather than sucking it up and asking, I'm too ashamed. And that's where I am right now at the end of this year.

Ashamed.

Which I guess makes me a bit insecure this month. Maybe a lot. Here I am at the ass-end of another year and I'm feeling like a junkie who happened to find just enough laying around to get one last ride in. And I rode that high proudly as if it would never go away and I'd at least be able to maintain. But, like all highs, I was bound to come down eventually. Now, I need some rehab, a swift kick in the butt, and my feet planted firmer under me and my head screwed on tight (or at least on enough to use it productively).

Bottom line is my year was up, down, up, down, up, down and it's not just this year. This started happening last year and really it happened a few years before that. I'm tired of it and I hope it won't happen again. I hope that I can start 2015 off with a whole lot of positivity and a good up that doesn't bottom out suddenly. I don't want to keep having posts of nothing but me saying, "I'm getting some stuff done finally, yay." and then, "I suck this month and haven't done anything." I've got plans for this next year and I'm tired of feeling ashamed.

This may suck as an IWSG post(and it's probably a bit long), but as long as I get my head out of my ass and keep it out, I plan on having better posts for 2015.

Thanks for hanging in there with me, sorry for this blog being so sucky this year, hope I can make up for it. Have an awesome December and I'll catch you next year. :)

Madness With a Side of IWSG

It's that time again...time for NaNoWriMo!

No, that's not really what I'm going to write about, well, technically I'll mention it, but I really mean it's time for another Insecure Writers Support Group post. AND I'm on time, YAY! (Well, it may not be early like I prefer to post, but hey, it is the first Wednesday so I'm getting better.)


Before I go on, make sure you're in the know when it comes to the wonderful awesomeness that is Alex J Cavanaugh. Also check out the IWSG website.

I've been crazy busy because I started my kids in an online homeschool program, but I started NaNo. I haven't made as much progress as I would like to have at this time, but I've made progress and that's what counts for me.

That's all I'm going to say about NaNo though.

Since I haven't been writing much, I haven't thought much about insecurities or securities. I have been a little worried that I won't be able to get NaNo done. I've already started three different WIPs because I stalled on each one. I shouldn't have done that though because now I've got three ideas going and I'm not sure which one to work on. It makes me have really mixed up, weird, nonsense dreams because all my ideas are merging together when I sleep. Which doesn't help when I wake up because then I have a hard time serparating the ideas. And there's no mixing these up so they need to stay separated.

But my indecision didn't stop me from writing 1223 words last night. It may have been a combined total from two different WIPs, but it was all during the 1k1hr I was working on. Idk, maybe I should just WIP-jump for now and see where it takes me. I haven't really written anything before now in so long that maybe I need to just get back in the groove of things and one WIP will stand out against the three.

I guess that's my IWSG post for the month. Maybe I'm a little of both, maybe my crazy non-writer life is making it hard to feel insecure or secure. I think I'm just happy that I haven't completely lost my mind in general so everything else is just proof that I'm still functioning in all the madness.

Anyway, hope this post makes sense, and if not I'm sure my ramblings are to be expected anyway. Have an awesome Wednesday, maybe I'll get it together and see you again before the month is up. :)

Feeling A Little Of Both This IWSG Wednesday

(I set this as a scheduled post so I'd actually have it up first thing, but Idk what happened because it didn't post...Oh well, it's here now.)

It’s another Insecure Writer’s Support Group Wednesday. I’ve managed to accomplish a whole bunch of nothing this past month in regards to writerly things. I’m not even sure if I’m secure or insecure either…

I’ve been dreaming of my various characters. I’ve made up whole scenes and chapters during drives to and from places. I’ve even sat at my computer pumped to do some critting/writing/editing/other related writerly things and then passed out because I’ve been so exhausted. But, nothing much has actually come of it.

I do have moments during the day that I worry I’m ruining everything for myself and then I have moments that I explain to myself how busy I am and that things will smooth out and start working just fine really soon. But then I go back to doubting anything will ever go back to being right and wondering if I’m really a writer. Of course, if I wasn’t a writer I don’t think I’d have the tons of ideas, dreams, and desires related to the writerly world.

So, I’ll go with a little insecure, a little secure, and a whole bunch of I’m determined to have something more to say next month.

Make sure you hop over to the wonderful Alex J Cavanaugh. Check out this month’s hosts too- Laura (My Baffling Brain), Mark Koopmans, Shah Wharton, and Sheena-Kay Graham. And don’t forget about the IWSG Website.

Until next time, have a wonderful day/week/month and I’ll see you soon. J

A Little Late...

I just realized that it's the first Thursday of this month and that means I missed the first Wednesday. And then I come to my lovely little neglected blog to see I haven't posted since June...Damn. I'm sorry about that.

(Make sure to go visit the Insecure Writer's Support Group website and the wonderful Alex J Cavanaugh as well.)

A couple of real quick things because unfortunately I don't really have more than a moment to post.

June and July flew right on by faster than ever before. This was the fastest, busiest, craziest summer I've had in all my 28 years. I've caught up, got behind, caught up, edited, worked a lot for free, worked a lot for not free, did a decent job of keeping my kids occupied, did a not so decent job of keeping my kids occupied, and did a barely decent job of not going crazy in all the madness.

Writing is happening, every once in a while. I've been reading a lot too, only as I've had time though. And I worked on crits, but then lost my internet for a bit and I've been behind since. But now I have to wait for AQC to come back up so I can get caught up again.

I think my biggest insecurity I've been feeling recently is that my current MS that I've been editing isn't really worth it and my other completed MS that I should just query or self pub is garbage even though I put a TON of effort into fixing it. I love both stories. And I really love the one I'm editing. But I've started posting it for critique and the crits (only chapter one...) on it have brought back old feelings from the first MS I had critted and I start worrying that I'm going to be in the same place I was. Mega editing and rewriting until I have a story that I love and hate all in one. Hopefully it's not going to end up like that and hopefully eventually I won't have anything but love for my first MS.

Last thing, I'm thinking I need to switch my blog. I'm not sure exactly what I want to do because I actually like blogger and Idk if I'll like something else as much. But I've had trouble with my blogger stuff ever since I got this laptop with Win 8. So, if anyone has any ideas/suggestions I'll gladly take 'em.

I hope everyone else is having a wonderful summer and I'll see you soon. (Hopefully sooner than a month or two.)

IWSG Real Quick...

Oh man, I've been so busy with end of the school year stuff and vacation planning that I didn't realize it was the first Wednesday.

So, happy Insecure Writers Support Group Wednesday, everyone. :)

(Check out the awesome IWSG creator, Alex J Cavanaugh. Then make sure to check out the IWSG website)

My days are extra packed lately, today is no exception. I'm going to just give a quick little what's happening and what not and then I'll be on my way for this time.

I've caught up on crits, group and one on one. I've been editing and started posting chapters for my crit group again. I've found time to do these things plus read, play, clean, and all the other crap I've got to get done every day. I'm going on a weekend vacation this weekend and then my kids have end of year stuff at their school next week all the way to the last day. But once all this craziness balances out a little (hopefully in a couple weeks), I'll be back to visiting blogs, posting more on my blog, and acknowledging those of you who come here and visit me.

So, it's safe to say I'm secure for the moment. I may crash, but fingers crossed that I've finally balanced out and everything will keep going this way. If nothing else, my crazy all over the place ups and downs give any other writers plenty of comparisons for whatever they're feeling at the moment, or at least almost anything. :P

Btw, I do see all the comments from everyone who stops by. I appreciate each one even though I haven't been able to really find the time to return them. I'm going to work on that soon.

Now I've got to run. Have an awesome week and weekend, I'll see y'all soon! :D

Take A Moment...Or Ten

Well, it's time for another IWSG post. Check out the awesome Alex J Cavanaugh. And then go check out the IWSG website and all the other awesome people on the list.

I've fallen behind on crits once again. A mixture of life and technical issues caused me to not be able to get online long enough to do much so I've been away from most online things for about two months. But, I'm back on and should be able to catch up within a few days.

If I can offer any advice, I'd say find a way to give yourself some time away. I'm sad about falling behind on crits and that I haven't done much in the writerly way, but I got to spend more time with my kids and their activities. I've played outside, went bike riding, told silly jokes, laughed, and just in general worked on enjoying my life outside of all the online/computer things I do. I even made a friend outside of the internet who actually lives here-something I haven't had in a very long time (not that I don't love and appreciate my online friends). There were moments when I had guilt in the back of my mind that I was falling so behind on crits and writing, I didn't dwell on it for the first time in a very long time. It was nice.

It gave me time to re-center myself and really decide where I want my life to be, to go, and how I can make it happen. I don't want to let my group down, so I hope they don't feel let down. It wasn't really my choice, but I could've probably tried harder to find a way to get online and to critting. I chose to go the unplugged route though and I can live with my choice even if I lose the awesome cps I've gained over the last few years.

So, make some time to step back from it all. Life and responsibilities can become hard, heavy, and it will weigh us down. Cut out as many responsibilities as possible, for even a few days, and it will help ease the burden. Because even though the responsibilities are still there when you come back, the breather makes things fresh. Now, go on and visit some other blogs that I'm sure know how to make awesome points in a lot less words than mine and then take some time to just relax and enjoy.

Have an awesome day everyone. :)

My Name Is Kela and I'm (In)Secure

Hello All. Welcome to another Insecure Writer's Support Group Wednesday. If you don't know him already, make sure you jump over to Alex J Cavanaugh and say hello. Also, check out the IWSG website and hosts for this month.

I wrote my title as (In)Secure because I am both, have been both, will continue to be both, and have now accepted it fully. I'm making an effort right now to not apologize for many things not happening around my little blog here. It's actually quite hard for me. But I've realized I need to stop apologizing for things I haven't done yet and just get to getting them done.

And that brings me to what all I've been working on this past month. I got caught up on crits and since I was really freaking behind, it took a lot of catching up. I've been reading, a little editing here and there when I can squeeze it in, a few too many doctor appointments, way too much non-writerly work...but most of all, I've been working on regrouping, refocusing, rethinking, reinventing. I needed to decide where I'm at, where I've been, where I want to be and what I did right and wrong in all those stages (or what I need to do).

I've realized a lot about myself, things I lost and for the good, things I lost for the bad, and things I lost, found, and need to lose again.

I don't know how many people really still pay attention to my blog, but I do know there are a good handful that have stuck around through all my crazy ups and downs. I've met a lot of people by stepping out into the social part of writing, some of those were nothing but a light breeze that came and went. Some came and stayed until they ended up lost themselves (if only I could figure out how to pull them back on track with me).

And some of you came, stayed, and support me through it all. I appreciate that. Those who are still here, are the ones I look up to. I aspire to find the awesome balance you have. I dream to one day be as awesome as Alex, as involved as SC, and as kind as TJ. Those are just a few people who come to my blog through all my flakiness and talk to me on Facebook, AQC, and Twitter. I truly do admire everyone who finds time to be socially active, hold regular jobs and/or go to school, be mother/father/wife/husband/spouse/significant other/etc, and still write/edit/publish/crit/etc--And all while managing to keep yourself from completely losing it. It's difficult, and anyone who accomplishes all of it is really something special. I applaud you, truly.

To wrap up this post and bring it back to the IWSG, I'm a little bit of both right now, insecure and secure. I know what I want and what to do to get there, but I also hate that I'm not there already.

Hope you have an awesome day full of securities and possibly some insecurities that still work out okay for you. :)

-Edit-
So, I just realized my post didn't post. Idk if I did something and can't figure out what, or if it's because Windows 8 hates blogger...or maybe it's blogger hates Windows 8. Whatever the reason, it's posted now. So, hope you had a wonderful day and are having a wonderful evening/night. :)

Mention Monday

Today I bring to your attention...

Writer, dragon lover, and overall awesome woman, E.M. LaBonte.

I mention her because she's been working at getting her author page 'like's up there and she wants to hit 400. I think she needs more than 400 because she's awesome enough that she should have more. She's one of the main people who posts things that jump out at me every day on Facebook. A hard worker, good writer, a kind friend, and great mom. Can't wait to see her published, she really deserves it for all the hard work she puts into everything.

So, go check her out. Plus, if she hits 400 likes, she's giving away a $10 Amazon gift card. Woot!

(Now, there's a chance she's hit the 400 already by the time you're reading this, but still go like her please. She's worth it. :)  )

You can find E.M. LaBonte on:

Facebook
Twitter
Blog (She does interviews(as a group w/ four other writers). The Blog Ring of Power, so make sure you check that out if you haven't already)

Now, go like and follow and whatnot. And happy Monday, Happy Martin Luther King Jr day for those who recognize it, and in general happy week. :)

Writer Wednesday

First review of the year. I wanted it to be a different book, but I've got plans for the week I do that one and I'm not quite ready yet.


So, I wanted to tell you all about this book and the author because the book is awesome and the author is one of my favorites.


I'm not doing a full on review because I've got some other things to talk about, but here it goes...


Through The Zombie Glass by Gena Showalter


4.5/5 Stars


This is book two in The White Rabbit Chronicles and I loved it more than the first. It takes a lot for me to really feel a book and get into a character. I can love them, hate them, envy them, etc, but to actually FEEL them, very rare. Alice, the main character in this book, made me feel. I felt for her, felt things she should feel, but couldn't. She needed to be strong in this story and couldn't let her emotions come through properly. It's okay though, I had those emotions for her. I wanted to cry when she needed to, yell when she should've, and open up to the people who cared most when fear for them and herself kept her closed off.


I've read many books from Showalter and every time I love them. Even when I don't love them love them, I still love them. I can't explain what it is exactly, but the worlds she takes me to are the best thing ever. I want to build a home there, or at least rent a room from one of the characters. In her angel series, I want to buy a cloud and meet a nice but ruthless angel to settle down with. In her Lords of the Underworld series, I want to live in their fortress and await a demon cursed warrior's attentions to find me. And in her White Rabbit Chronicles, I want to see into the spirit world, see the zombies, and fight them.


This is what an author should do, it's why I love reading and what I hope to one day achieve myself. I wanted to write this semi-review as a mash up of Mention Monday and Writer Wednesday. So, if you haven't read Showalter, I highly recommend checking her out. And if you have, you should check out the White Rabbit Chronicles. And if you've read her books and don't care for her, then, let's move on :P


I'm working out some details that will involve some giveaways. I'm not sure exactly what all I'll be giving away or when, but it will be soon. I'm mentioning it now, so you'll know to keep an eye out.


Also, I'm working on getting my Talk (To Me) Tuesday all planned out so that I can get some interviews going. I'm planning on more than just authors too, but I'll wait until details are smoothed a little better before I put it out there.


Other than that, I'm just editing and working on getting my stuff together to try submitting soon. I'll have another post soon. Until then, have an awesome day (or days) and I'll see you soon. :)

Happy IWSG New Year

So, first blog of the new year for me. I debated when I would get back to posting. Part of me wanted to do it before now, part of me said I should wait. I waited and here we are.

I've made a ton of resolutions for this year and I plan on keeping at least most of them. I can admit that I resolved to not do or to do a lot of things this year that in reality just aren't going to happen. But, there are a few things that will happen and I'm working towards my top few right now.

I'm currently rereading my first book to make sure it's query ready. Then I'm going to write a query and synopsis and sub it. It's funny actually, I'm only subbing to one place. I know I could sub a few places, someone may request more and then I won't be as down if no one requests. But, I'm not because if it doesn't work out at this one publisher, I will be self-pubbing. It's going to cost and give me a little more of a struggle, but I will get there.

I'm starting my new year off with a positive foot forward and I'm planning to have many more positive posts for the first Wednesday every month, all year.

Don't forget to hop on over to founder of the Insecure Writer's Support Group, Alex J Cavanaugh's site and see what he's got going on. He's a truly wonderful person and you should definitely know him.

Hope you all had wonderful holidays, are having a wonderful week, and great writing days ahead. :)