Tuesday, December 13, 2011

December 13-All I Want For Christmas

So this is now day 12 and there are only 13 more days left. I don’t know about everyone else, but for me, Christmas is easing its way in very quickly. I realized that I feel a little sadder than usual this year. At first I was unsure why. But then I realized that I am missing something that I have had at Christmas time for 5 Christmases, this year would have been 6. About 5 months ago I completely ended my 6 year long relationship with the father of my children. Now, at the time it was a good idea, not saying that it isn’t right now, but at this time of year you may begin to doubt your decisions made throughout the year. We are better apart, but it is still cold and lonely without him. I haven’t missed him, until December hit. I have spent plenty of Christmases without a significant other in my life, but once you have children with someone your relationship takes on such a different role that it gets complicated. I do not want him, per say, but I do wish we were together right now. For many reasons-a big one would be the fact that I expected my kids to have both of their parents, at the same time, every holiday. And another up there reason is I miss the cuddling at this time of year. December is such a cold month. Just starting to have very cold, wet, sometimes snowy, days and nights-it makes you want to snuggle deep into the covers and into the arms of a loved one. I find myself thinking some nights how wonderful it would be to have his arms wrapped around me. I have not missed that-at all-until now. On the spending holidays together: I feel my children are being cheated by not having both parents in the house to celebrate Christmas with them. I had my mother and father until I was in eighth grade, every December-we decorated and did things as a family. I could be at home and enjoy both their company. I think had I been younger it would have affected me more. I know my kids wish their dad could be with them all the time like I am, it just makes me sad that I cannot give that to them. There are of course several other benefits of having a significant other during December, I will not list everything, I chose these two because they are what I miss the most.
So, for anyone who is without a lover, whether it be a mini relationship, or one that was long term, and you miss that lover this Christmas-I feel your pain. I know the heartache you are feeling-the sadness, doubts, &/or longing. For anyone who is not without that special someone, cherish it, work at it, work on it, enjoy every minute of it, and smile, for you are blessed. Take a moment to cuddle, snuggle, hug, love, whatever, but do it with happiness, because there are people out there who envy the gift you have, don’t waste it.

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