Saturday, April 21, 2012


Suddenly Silence Seems So Simple

Keeping Silent

I wasn't sure how I would wrap this week up, since it didn't turn out like my typical weeks. Then I decided, I would wrap up my week. It's still the same, it's still the end of the week. Things that happened this week, are just a little different than usual.

As some of you know, I wound up in the hospital. It's funny, my kids are wild, but I would have totally preferred spending the days with their madness instead of in a hospital or lying around resting because that's all I could really do.

When I was diagnosed with Lupus, I was 21 and it came with the bombshell that my oldest daughter and I should have died during her birth. It was news that was hard to handle (needless to say), but then it came with a positive(at least I thought so at the time).

My Rheumatologist told me that my Lupus was mild and there was a really good chance that (other than when I'm pregnant) I won't experience severe symptoms. He said I should be fine and that aside from some arthritis, fatigue and headaches, I should grow old and die from age. Apparently (and unfortunately), he was wrong. Granted, it was inflammation (which is what arthritis is) that caused my problems this week, but still-it was dangerous inflammation and a little worrisome.

I don't talk much about having Lupus, I don't like the looks I've gotten from people when they find out...I don't like being pitied. I don't like people thinking I'm fragile. I'm not. Lupus doesn't run my life. I found out though, that sometimes you need to talk about it. Sometimes people need to know more, hell, I needed to know more. I had no idea that it was possible that my chest pain was due to my Lupus.

My kids were sad that I was in the hospital and they asked me to not go back. I can't promise them that, but I can skate around the subject. And that's what I did. They're too young to really understand Lupus, so with them, I will continue to keep silent. I won't talk about it with them and I won't allow them to have anything to worry about when it comes to my health.

A Moment of Silence

April 19, 2012 marked the 17 year anniversary of the Oklahoma City Bombing. That SO SAD day when a couple of idiots decided to bomb the federal building in downtown OKC-resulting in 168 deaths. Nineteen of which were children under the age of six. Take a moment of silence for those 168 lives lost, please-they deserve it.

I've Been Silent...

This week, and I apologize. With all the Lupus stuff happening, I've had a hard time getting to others blogs this week. I will do better next week though.

Sorry for the moments of Seriousness in this post and Sorry it was a bit long. But that's my week all wrapped up.

Happy Saturday :)


Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You've been in the hospital - don't worry about visiting us.
I confess I don't know much about lupus. I intend to look it up though so I'm informed.
Glad you're back home.

Tracy said...

I'm so glad you are back home and finding a way to gain back strength. This is fun but in the scheme of things, this is not life so do what you need to do for you and your family and thank you! Thanks for reminding us about those who lost their lives in Ok. City and sometimes we just need to be silent...