Missing Mojo-IWSG Wednesday

So, today was Wednesday, an IWSG Wednesday, and I didn't even realize until now. I went all day knowing it was Wednesday without really knowing it. Last month I forgot all about IWSG.

I thought doing the April A to Z Challenge would help me out of this weird up and down funk I keep finding myself in. It didn't. I finished the challenge and that was it. I didn't even think of my little blog here.

A few years back whenever I decided I wanted to actually attempt to accomplish something with my writing (aside from all the journals of stories and poems), I joined Agent Query and Query Tracker. I was nervous and unsure. I hadn't actually joined the chatroom part of Agent Query yet, but the day I made that step I was a bit scared. And once I was on there and started reading posts by other members, and seeing how long they'd been around, I was so intimidated.

It took a little time. A lot of breaking down of nerve walls. Many revisions, tears, worries, anger even...and friends. Online friends that were just like me. Some that used to be like me and were now those intimidating members. Some that were just getting their toes a little damp when I'd finally dove into the deep end. Guys and girls from different places, in different writing places. Great people that I would've never known if it hadn't been for AQC.

These great people and I chatted in the AQC chat room. Then I started chatting with some in Google chat. Some became my critique partners. Some I just critiqued their stuff. But some were my friends in general. We could talk about writerly things, or regular life things. We got to know each other and I grew to care about them. Now I only talk to one of them most often. Another one more often than the others. And the others hardly ever.

And that's what I realized. When we were all chatting all the time. Doing 1k1hr or passing chapters back and forth, I was motivated. I blogged, tweeted, wrote, critiqued, stayed involved with my writerly things and people. AQC brought us all together and that fueled my motivation...

And one day AQC took down the chat room. It shouldn't have mattered, but even when the chat came back eventually, it wasn't the same(and then they did away with chat again for good this time so no chance at getting back to that). And nothing was the same ever again. Now one of my friends writes, but not like before. She's busy with school and work, and Idk what else because I'm not always the greatest friend these days.

My other friend has needed me for far too long and I haven't been taking the time to talk to her. She never writes anymore and has so much happening right now that Idk when she will write again. And I feel insecure in what I should say or do to help her through her non writerly things. I want to be there for her and I feel like crap because I can't figure out how.

The others may or may not be writing.They may be having a great time at life and they may not. I just don't know.

What I know is when I lost that chat, I lost my mojo. I in no way blame the others, it just happens that losing them, I lost me too.

It's no ones fault but my own, so if any of the 2AMWriters ;P  are reading this, please don't feel like I'm saying it's any of your faults or anything bad. I know it's me.

Just like I know I will figure out a way to get myself out of this hole.

I'm really sorry for the long post, I'll do better with the next one. Idk if I'll post again before the next IWSG, so if not, I hope you all have a wonderful June and I'll catch you next time. :)

Make sure you check out the Insecure Writers Support Group site and also the awesome Alex J Cavanaugh.

Because I Say So...

I'm going to get back to things, it will happen, I'm working on it...And it will happen because I say so. That never works with my kids, but I'm going to go with it here. Only because it's something that can work in this situation. I have things I want and things I need to do to get the things I want and so only I can do it. I have to say so for it to happen.

Here's March, already. It happened way too fast. I'm just not ready for another year to just zoom past like the last several. I want time to slow down, only because I really want it to stop and I know that won't happen so I'll settle for a minor ease up on the gas pedal.

But, until that happens I'm here, in March, wondering if I'll be letting another month woosh past me with not a single writerly thing to show for it. Guess that all just means I'm feeling a bit insecure this month. Hopefully I won't soon. I want to have so many posts in a row, month after month, about how awesome writerly life is. But, my daughters are still homeschooling it, my youngest is right smack in the middle of competition season in gymnastics, and I'm still helping my parents out all the time on top of spending three days a week at the gymnastics place. So, not sure how secure things are going to get. If anything, I should probably just be hoping for things to not be so crazy and then work on the security once I've got that handled.

Nah, who am I kidding? If I lost the crazy, I wouldn't be a writer. :P

That's okay though. I'm starting to like it all a little. I would love to wake up and have a whole day of relaxing, but I know I can't right now and I'm okay with that. We'll just have to see what March and April bring and go from there. Who knows what may happen.

Until next time, make sure you're in the know on everything awesomely Alex(J. Cavanaugh) and this spectacular little Insecure Writer's Support Group we've got happening here.

See you later. Have an awesome day, y'all. :)

Happy 2015 IWSG

(Yay! First Insecure Writer's Support Group post of the new year. And I'm on time! Before we get into this you must take time to meet the awesome Alex J Cavanaugh. Plus, go check out the IWSG website. While you're at both of those sites please take a few moments to browse, they're both great places to hang. But, don't forget to stop by each of the wonderful co-hosts blogs as well: Elizabeth Seckman, Lisa Buie-Collard, Chrys Fey, and Michelle Wallace.)

Since I haven't done anything, I'm really not secure or insecure about writing at the moment. I have no advice to give other than, write. If you wrote last year, maybe make a goal to write more. If you wrote a ton last year, make a goal to take the pace down a notch this time. And if you wrote at a good pace and you'd like to just keep at it, do whatever worked for you last year. And make sure you don't fear your insecurities either. You need them.

I feared once upon a time, actually I think I wondered it most in 2014, that writers wouldn't be as necessary. Everyone is a writer. Anyone can write anything they want. Things get published left and right, so people who needed writers don't anymore. Scripts, novels, plays, everyhting and anything you need-anyone can write it for you.

'Everyone' is not and can not be a writer. Writing is hard, it takes guts, time, effort, patience, love, understanding, caring, a bit(or maybe a lot) of crazy, and so much heart. Writers don't write because it's something people need, writers write because it's something they need. We all need to write out what's playing constantly through our minds or we'll all go crazier than we already are.

All those people who think it's easy, anyone can do it, they let anyone do it-they're wrong and honestly, not that bright. Writing isn't something that just comes naturally. Period. I don't care how fast someone can spit out a best selling novel, it doesn't mean it was easy. And those who say it's easy, aren't really writers. Not only does it take everything I said-it takes insecurities. So, make sure you open yourself up to those this year. Don't worry when you're feeling insecure, enjoy it and know that you're a writer and if you get too secure, your work won't shine as bright. Cocky writers don't always make great writers(but it's okay to be secure too).

What are your writing plans for this year? Are you writing, editing, publishing? Are you taking a break from writing all together? Or are you going to shoot out books that make it look easy? ;p

Sorry I didn't keep this one short enough, I'll try harder next time.

Have a great week and I'll see y'all next time. :)

Where does the time go...

(Before we get into this, you must take time to check out the awesome Alex J Cavanaugh and then hop on over to HERE and see the co-hosts for the month. Also make sure to visit the Insecure Writer's Support Group website.) (And, PS, I so didn't win NaNoWriMo, but I'm hopeful I can win another year.)

Weeks, months, years...it all seems to fly by so quick these days. My kids talk like 1985 was so long ago and I say, not really, then I look up and it's almost 2015 and damn, I'll be thirty in a year. When did that happen?

Thirty and what have I managed to accomplish in the last several years?

I think what's getting me most about the time flying is that I have absolutely zero feelings of accomplishment. I haven't read in a while, I'm so dang behind on several book series' that I really love. I can't remember the last time I actually finished a draft of one dang book, much less a first complete edit. My kids are behind on their school (at least that's just a few lessons behind) and the house is barely hanging in there, just teetering on a 'I'm not cluttered, but please don't put anything else in me' sort of thing. I haven't critted anything and I don't even know if I'm still welcome in the crit group and rather than sucking it up and asking, I'm too ashamed. And that's where I am right now at the end of this year.

Ashamed.

Which I guess makes me a bit insecure this month. Maybe a lot. Here I am at the ass-end of another year and I'm feeling like a junkie who happened to find just enough laying around to get one last ride in. And I rode that high proudly as if it would never go away and I'd at least be able to maintain. But, like all highs, I was bound to come down eventually. Now, I need some rehab, a swift kick in the butt, and my feet planted firmer under me and my head screwed on tight (or at least on enough to use it productively).

Bottom line is my year was up, down, up, down, up, down and it's not just this year. This started happening last year and really it happened a few years before that. I'm tired of it and I hope it won't happen again. I hope that I can start 2015 off with a whole lot of positivity and a good up that doesn't bottom out suddenly. I don't want to keep having posts of nothing but me saying, "I'm getting some stuff done finally, yay." and then, "I suck this month and haven't done anything." I've got plans for this next year and I'm tired of feeling ashamed.

This may suck as an IWSG post(and it's probably a bit long), but as long as I get my head out of my ass and keep it out, I plan on having better posts for 2015.

Thanks for hanging in there with me, sorry for this blog being so sucky this year, hope I can make up for it. Have an awesome December and I'll catch you next year. :)

Madness With a Side of IWSG

It's that time again...time for NaNoWriMo!

No, that's not really what I'm going to write about, well, technically I'll mention it, but I really mean it's time for another Insecure Writers Support Group post. AND I'm on time, YAY! (Well, it may not be early like I prefer to post, but hey, it is the first Wednesday so I'm getting better.)


Before I go on, make sure you're in the know when it comes to the wonderful awesomeness that is Alex J Cavanaugh. Also check out the IWSG website.

I've been crazy busy because I started my kids in an online homeschool program, but I started NaNo. I haven't made as much progress as I would like to have at this time, but I've made progress and that's what counts for me.

That's all I'm going to say about NaNo though.

Since I haven't been writing much, I haven't thought much about insecurities or securities. I have been a little worried that I won't be able to get NaNo done. I've already started three different WIPs because I stalled on each one. I shouldn't have done that though because now I've got three ideas going and I'm not sure which one to work on. It makes me have really mixed up, weird, nonsense dreams because all my ideas are merging together when I sleep. Which doesn't help when I wake up because then I have a hard time serparating the ideas. And there's no mixing these up so they need to stay separated.

But my indecision didn't stop me from writing 1223 words last night. It may have been a combined total from two different WIPs, but it was all during the 1k1hr I was working on. Idk, maybe I should just WIP-jump for now and see where it takes me. I haven't really written anything before now in so long that maybe I need to just get back in the groove of things and one WIP will stand out against the three.

I guess that's my IWSG post for the month. Maybe I'm a little of both, maybe my crazy non-writer life is making it hard to feel insecure or secure. I think I'm just happy that I haven't completely lost my mind in general so everything else is just proof that I'm still functioning in all the madness.

Anyway, hope this post makes sense, and if not I'm sure my ramblings are to be expected anyway. Have an awesome Wednesday, maybe I'll get it together and see you again before the month is up. :)

Feeling A Little Of Both This IWSG Wednesday

(I set this as a scheduled post so I'd actually have it up first thing, but Idk what happened because it didn't post...Oh well, it's here now.)

It’s another Insecure Writer’s Support Group Wednesday. I’ve managed to accomplish a whole bunch of nothing this past month in regards to writerly things. I’m not even sure if I’m secure or insecure either…

I’ve been dreaming of my various characters. I’ve made up whole scenes and chapters during drives to and from places. I’ve even sat at my computer pumped to do some critting/writing/editing/other related writerly things and then passed out because I’ve been so exhausted. But, nothing much has actually come of it.

I do have moments during the day that I worry I’m ruining everything for myself and then I have moments that I explain to myself how busy I am and that things will smooth out and start working just fine really soon. But then I go back to doubting anything will ever go back to being right and wondering if I’m really a writer. Of course, if I wasn’t a writer I don’t think I’d have the tons of ideas, dreams, and desires related to the writerly world.

So, I’ll go with a little insecure, a little secure, and a whole bunch of I’m determined to have something more to say next month.

Make sure you hop over to the wonderful Alex J Cavanaugh. Check out this month’s hosts too- Laura (My Baffling Brain), Mark Koopmans, Shah Wharton, and Sheena-Kay Graham. And don’t forget about the IWSG Website.

Until next time, have a wonderful day/week/month and I’ll see you soon. J

A Little Late...

I just realized that it's the first Thursday of this month and that means I missed the first Wednesday. And then I come to my lovely little neglected blog to see I haven't posted since June...Damn. I'm sorry about that.

(Make sure to go visit the Insecure Writer's Support Group website and the wonderful Alex J Cavanaugh as well.)

A couple of real quick things because unfortunately I don't really have more than a moment to post.

June and July flew right on by faster than ever before. This was the fastest, busiest, craziest summer I've had in all my 28 years. I've caught up, got behind, caught up, edited, worked a lot for free, worked a lot for not free, did a decent job of keeping my kids occupied, did a not so decent job of keeping my kids occupied, and did a barely decent job of not going crazy in all the madness.

Writing is happening, every once in a while. I've been reading a lot too, only as I've had time though. And I worked on crits, but then lost my internet for a bit and I've been behind since. But now I have to wait for AQC to come back up so I can get caught up again.

I think my biggest insecurity I've been feeling recently is that my current MS that I've been editing isn't really worth it and my other completed MS that I should just query or self pub is garbage even though I put a TON of effort into fixing it. I love both stories. And I really love the one I'm editing. But I've started posting it for critique and the crits (only chapter one...) on it have brought back old feelings from the first MS I had critted and I start worrying that I'm going to be in the same place I was. Mega editing and rewriting until I have a story that I love and hate all in one. Hopefully it's not going to end up like that and hopefully eventually I won't have anything but love for my first MS.

Last thing, I'm thinking I need to switch my blog. I'm not sure exactly what I want to do because I actually like blogger and Idk if I'll like something else as much. But I've had trouble with my blogger stuff ever since I got this laptop with Win 8. So, if anyone has any ideas/suggestions I'll gladly take 'em.

I hope everyone else is having a wonderful summer and I'll see you soon. (Hopefully sooner than a month or two.)

My Name Is Kela and I'm (In)Secure

Hello All. Welcome to another Insecure Writer's Support Group Wednesday. If you don't know him already, make sure you jump over to Alex J Cavanaugh and say hello. Also, check out the IWSG website and hosts for this month.

I wrote my title as (In)Secure because I am both, have been both, will continue to be both, and have now accepted it fully. I'm making an effort right now to not apologize for many things not happening around my little blog here. It's actually quite hard for me. But I've realized I need to stop apologizing for things I haven't done yet and just get to getting them done.

And that brings me to what all I've been working on this past month. I got caught up on crits and since I was really freaking behind, it took a lot of catching up. I've been reading, a little editing here and there when I can squeeze it in, a few too many doctor appointments, way too much non-writerly work...but most of all, I've been working on regrouping, refocusing, rethinking, reinventing. I needed to decide where I'm at, where I've been, where I want to be and what I did right and wrong in all those stages (or what I need to do).

I've realized a lot about myself, things I lost and for the good, things I lost for the bad, and things I lost, found, and need to lose again.

I don't know how many people really still pay attention to my blog, but I do know there are a good handful that have stuck around through all my crazy ups and downs. I've met a lot of people by stepping out into the social part of writing, some of those were nothing but a light breeze that came and went. Some came and stayed until they ended up lost themselves (if only I could figure out how to pull them back on track with me).

And some of you came, stayed, and support me through it all. I appreciate that. Those who are still here, are the ones I look up to. I aspire to find the awesome balance you have. I dream to one day be as awesome as Alex, as involved as SC, and as kind as TJ. Those are just a few people who come to my blog through all my flakiness and talk to me on Facebook, AQC, and Twitter. I truly do admire everyone who finds time to be socially active, hold regular jobs and/or go to school, be mother/father/wife/husband/spouse/significant other/etc, and still write/edit/publish/crit/etc--And all while managing to keep yourself from completely losing it. It's difficult, and anyone who accomplishes all of it is really something special. I applaud you, truly.

To wrap up this post and bring it back to the IWSG, I'm a little bit of both right now, insecure and secure. I know what I want and what to do to get there, but I also hate that I'm not there already.

Hope you have an awesome day full of securities and possibly some insecurities that still work out okay for you. :)

-Edit-
So, I just realized my post didn't post. Idk if I did something and can't figure out what, or if it's because Windows 8 hates blogger...or maybe it's blogger hates Windows 8. Whatever the reason, it's posted now. So, hope you had a wonderful day and are having a wonderful evening/night. :)

Happy IWSG Wednesday

And here we are at yet another first Wednesday of the month. I'm happy to write this post today because I am finally really back on track. Yay!

Crits are caught up, writing is happening (partially thanks to NaNoWriMo which I'm participating in again this year), and editing is coming up soon(once I decide which story I want to revise first). Plus, I've got my blog schedule all worked out and beginning next week, I've got some posts all lined up and ready to go. I was going to get it running a couple weeks back and decided I wanted to get caught up on everything else first.

Now that I am all caught up and back on track, reading blogs and jumping back into social networking will follow.

And then I'm going to keep moving day by day, always worried that I may regress back to where I've been this past year. Always in fear that I will fall behind on everything, not reading, not writing, slowly losing myself...And it'll be okay, I'll be okay. I don't want to lose that worry, because without it, I may forget that feeling of being lost. I may forget myself, losing myself again and that's what will trigger the drop right back into the mess I was.

The worry will keep my insecurities at the front of my mind and I'll just have to make sure it fuels my determination to stay on track. But I've been on this roller coaster long enough to know that insecurities are a necessity. Because if you're never insecure, how do you know what it truly means to be secure? It's just like being successful, if you don't know what it feels like to fail, you can't appreciate that feeling of succeeding. And being the overly emotional person that I am, I like to feel and appreciate it all.

So I'm going to wrap my insecurities around me, then secure them and myself.

Happy Wednesday. I hope you're all having a wonderful week. :)

(Don't forget to check out Alex J Cavanaugh, along with the new IWSG website and Facebook.)

Late IWSG and Some other stuff...

Lol, I know, bad title, but I was blank..

(Long post, sorry. :/ )

So, I've been so busy trying to squeeze as much time in with the kids before school started back up that I forgot yesterday was the first Wednesday of this month. It's been crazy here and I'm on the fence torn between so glad that school is back in and so sad that school is back in and my girls aren't home.

(Side Note: Here they are this morning before I took them to school-

 But don't be fooled, they're all sugar on the outside and pure pixie madness on the inside. :P  )

Okay, onto the IWSG...

That's Insecure Writer's Support Group for anyone who doesn't know about the group...and if you don't, you should. Alex J Cavanaugh is behind the awesomeness of this group because he's full of awesomeness so go check him out.

I tend to not like reflecting on certain aspects of myself. Speculations and conclusions that aren't real or even genuine ideas that I truly believe just for the fact that I don't want to really think of why I can't do anything. However, I started a new diet and exercise plan, not just to lose weight, but because I want to get healthy. Plus, my oldest and I both have sensitive stomachs so we decided to try out a gluten-free diet. It's worked so wonderfully that now we rarely have stomach aches at all, unless we cheat and eat gluten. Then we're in pain wishing we hadn't been so weak, giving into something we know we're better off without. Although I've got this new diet and exercise plan going, on top of the fact that I quit smoking (something I've wanted to do for a long time and now it's been months since I smoked at all), my aunt keeps saying hateful things about me. (My aunt always has strong opinions about everyone in the family and how we live our lives)

Problem is, I always let her get to me when I was growing up. I always found myself wanting to do things to please her, but I couldn't ever please her. The older I got, the more I realized I would never be able to please her. But I was ruined (for the time being, not permentantly though).  I spent so much of my life trying to please her, that I started trying to please everyone. Part of that was everyone started talking about me the same way my aunt did. Telling me I was too fat, too quiet, too loud/outspoken, too sensitive, too lazy, too too too...

I still find myself worrying about my not being productive enough in my writerly things. I start hearing my aunt telling me I'm being too lazy and I start worrying that's what's happening. But when I think that, I get too deep into my head. I start trying too hard, trying to force productivity out of myself in a way that's not for me, it's for everyone else. It's for my mom who believes in me too much, not that it's bad for her to have faith in me as a writer, but it's too much pressure. Or I try it to prove my aunt wrong, that I am who I am and look, I can do good things as the person you criticize. I even try to do it for you guys, my blogger buddies, writer buddies, tweeps, AQCers...For all of my online friends, who in reality, know what it's like. The pressure, the wants, needs, productivity woes, and everything else...All you guys who don't judge me by my lack of productivity, y'all who listen and only give helpful advice, friendly words, laughs, and everything positive (even if it's a positive kick in the ass ;P ). The people who I don't have to prove anything to...

And that's when I realized I need to stop obsessing. I am who I am, I love who I am, and some days/weeks/months/years will be good, and some will be bad. But as long as I know who I am and I have people who support me, that's all that matters. And if I can't focus on those good things, I will be stuck trying to force something to happen that won't ever happen right that way.

I know all that matters is if I'm happy with myself and I am. I'm also happy that I have you to make me smile when I need it, or to kick me into gear when I need it. I know you won't let me be lazy...well, most of you won't. :P

Sorry again for the long post, it actually took me by surprise myself, but I did stop trying to force conclusions and reasons. So, yeah, there it is, hope it makes sense because I'm in a hurry(time to pick the girls up from school) and not reading before I hit publish

Lol. Hope you're all having a wonderful Thursday. I'm hoping to be back to a schedule soon. Since I probably won't blog again this week though, have an awesome weekend too. :)

Goals Not Going So Well

This months Insecure Writer's Support Group post (group brought to you by the fantastic Alex J Cavanaugh) is all about my insecurities of not being able to complete my goals like I want to.


I haven't been doing completely terrible with my goals, but I haven't been doing very great with them either. Critiques are going okay, writing is going about the pace of a snail, and reading is going even slower than that-as in not going at all.

I've been an insecure writer for months now, I want to have a post that is full of wonderful things. That post may not be today, but I know it's coming soon.

Until then, I'm critiquing and working on finding my writing mojo again. Reading will come when the critiquing and writing flows easier. It's hard for me to focus on reading when I'm feeling like I haven't been productive enough.

Oh and one last thing, an update for those of you who read my post about the bracelet...I talked to the awesomely wonderful Ali Cross and she said she will send me a new one (a couple actually). Yay!

So, that's my ISWG post for this month. Insecurities want to take control, but I won't let them. I will make it through very soon.

I hope you're all having a wonderful week. :)

Goals...

So I just realized I didn't post anything for IWSG again this month. Honestly, I can't remember if I did last month. I'm really at a point that I'm so annoyed with myself and yet no matter what, I can't get back to where I was last year.

I miss writing, blogging, reading, critiquing, tweeting, etc...Yet when I try to get myself back into it all, I fail. I'm struggling to find the balance in everything and finding it easier to just do nothing.

I'm always cleaning up behind my kids, cooking, doing laundry, and by the time I take time in front of the computer, I don't want to do a damn thing productive, I just want to sit. It's making me crazy though. I don't really want that, I mean I do, but I don't. I'm not really sure how to explain it. What I know completely is that it has to stop.

I started doing better with my crit group-of course part of that was being presented the idea of not being in the group anymore, which I didn't want at all- but then I fell back on that a little this week (and last a little). I've tried so many different things to get myself back where I want to be, back to doing what I want to be doing. Nothing has worked.

Last week I started thinking of ways to fix it all, and nothing really came to mind other than setting goals and forcing myself to stick with it until I get back into a groove that I can keep up without force. So I made some goals and I'm going to hope you all can help keep me on track. I'm going to post about my progress because you've all been really great supporters and I think it'll help me be able to keep myself on track.

Here's the plan:

• Begin posting at least three times a week on my blog. (Starting Monday, April 15)
• Write at least 500 words a day on any of my WIPs (I've got about 5 at them moment lol). (Starting today, Friday April 12)
• Read at least one chapter from a book on my extremely lengthy TBR a day. (Starting Monday, April 15)
• Finish every group critique by three days after it's posted. (This will have to start after the next posts go up because I'm already behind on what's posted as of right now)
• Catch up on crits that are in my inbox. (I have one that I got WAY TOO LONG AGO and it's top priority. That one will be done by Sunday, April 21 preferably sooner. Another is only one or two chapters and I want it done by April 30. And another is an entire book so beginning April 21 I'll do a chapter a day until it's done.)
• Begin reading at least 2 blog posts a day and moving to a higher number once I'm doing good with that. (Starting Monday, April 15)
• Tweeting will come easier after I get going good with all this, but I want to be back to that by May 20.

That's the writerly plan, I'll have to work real life around all of that, but I will have to make myself be able to do writerly and real life. I did it before so I know I can do it again. I just have to get back into the routine.

Even though it's late, that's basically my insecurities I've felt lately...disappointment and annoyance with myself. Hopefully sticking to this plan will help that. Thanks to everyone who comments on all my post lately, the support does help.

I hope you all have an awesome weekend. :)

I Think My Insecurities Have Insecurities...

Okay, I'm a couple days late with this because I forgot about it. (And I don't have the ISWG pic because I haven't saved it to this new computer yet) But, better late than not at all. This is my Insecure Writer's Support Group post and if you don't know about it, head on over to the awesome Alex J Cavanaugh's blog and check it out.

So, you saw the title...Let's see if I can make sense of it. I'm so insecure right now that I'm pretty sure my insecurities are becoming insecure and making me even more insecure.

I haven't done very many writerly things lately, it's been way too long. And since it's been so long, I can't seem to get my crap together and get back in the game. I find myself wondering if I'll even be able to write again. What if I sit down, open up one of my WIPs, and can't write anything? What if I do write something and it's terrible? What if I forget where I was going with the stories I've already started? What if, what if, what if...

Then there's critiquing...What if I'm not good enough to critique anymore? What if I have nothing helpful to say? What if I miss something that isn't right because I forgot that it's not right? What if I point out something because I think it's wrong, but it's not? What if, what if, what if...

And can't forget blogging...I'm afraid to blog because I'm not sure what to blog about. Then I find myself wondering the same, what if. What if I post something no one wants to read? What if I post something and I sound like an idiot? What if, what if, what if...

What if I am so out of the social and writerly loop that I can't find my way back in? What if I'm so lost that the path is gone to me? What if I just can't do it anymore? What if in losing myself, I've lost everything I've worked on, time I put in, friends I've made...What if I've messed up and people think I'm just a flake and I can't be taken seriously and I'm not worth the time of even paying any attention to what I have to say?

I've never felt so insecure in my life. This is my rock bottom I think. I wasn't even sure I'd write this post honestly. I'm not used to being that insecure and I'm definitely not that used to talking about it.

I do want to say, I thought over some of those 'what ifs' prior to posting this. I did squash some of the negative thoughts. I may not be completely sure that I will still be able to write, but I think so. I mean, I have to be able to. I love it, want it, need it. There's too much in my head, I'd go nuts if I didn't find a way to put it into stories. Most of the other 'what ifs' are still there, but I won't know until I try. I'm not even sure how to make myself get back into the groove, but I WILL figure it out. I can't give up no matter how long it takes me to claw myself out of this pile of funk.

Anyway, this post went on for longer than I intended, so that's it. These are my insecurities at the moment...sorry I was late with the post.

I hope you all have an awesome weekend :)

Life and My Funk...

This is an Insecure Writer's Support Group post. For more info, check out the awesome Alex J Cavanaugh's blog.

I normally would've posted this yesterday, but since I forgot it was the first Wednesday of the month...I'm posting it a little late.

With this funk I've been stuck in, writing has taken a backseat for too long. It's like the more I couldn't get in the mood to write, the farther away my love for writing drifted. I got lost in real life-cleaning, cooking, kids, etc-and I couldn't find my way back to the fantasy world I like to dive into. The voices in my head went silent, the ideas running rampid were non-existent, and I couldn't have cared less whether I opened up a blank document to tell a story ever again...

But I kept dreaming. Literally. I kept having dreams of these people and places that only exist in the made up worlds that only writers can create, things happening that couldn't ever be real...

I realized, it wasn't that the voices in my head were silent, I wasn't listening. My ideas didn't leave, I chose to ignore them. And it wasn't that I didn't care about writing, I was forcing myself to not care. Forcing myself to only pay attention to things outside of writing...

And that's when I knew-I wasn't in a funk, I was buried so deep in life that I was silencing my creativity. I was trying to get rid of the ideas because I was so sure they weren't there. If I just did other things, I wouldn't think of writing since I couldn't anyway. I threw myself into everything non-writerly because I was convinced I'd lost my mojo and that everything else was too time consuming, but I was wrong.

Yes, life happens, Yes, I have kids to take care of, cleaning to do, everyone must be fed, and errands must be ran. But I've always done all of those things and still found time to write. So, now that I figured out the issue, I'm working on it. I think I'll be able to be back on track for real this time. Thanks for everyone who keeps hanging with me.

I hope you all have a wonderful day. See you tomorrow for an awesome cover reveal. :)

Insecure Writer's Support Group - Secure My Insecurities

I honestly forgot that today was IWSG posting day. Oops. Double oops since I know Alex just had a reminder on his blog. :/ For anyone who does not know what IWSG is, or who Alex is, then click here.

This past month was okay writing-wise. I did get stuck the last week, but it's because I wrote a ton of scenes and need to get them organized.. Once I do that, I can pick right back up.

This past month has been full of crits for me. I've been critiquing so very much lately, but I love doing it-love helping other writers. And thinking of the people who's MSs I'm reading, makes me think of all the success I've seen lately.

When everyone around you-in your field, and a field that's complicated to survive in-is having successes...It's easy to get jealous. A lot of people would and it's a perfectly normal reaction. You're happy for the person, but jealous and wondering when is it going to be your turn.

I'm not one of those people. I have nothing against anyone who is, that's just not me. I'm not one to get jealous very easily. I don't know...I am overjoyed by the amount of success around me. It makes me emotional, happy, so very excited to the point I could explode. Sometimes I sit back and wonder if I'm possibly a little overboard with the excitement.

Oh well, I say. Really, if being oddly excited for someone-even one you hardly know at all-makes you weird, then let me be weird. I just hope I don't come across creepy ever, that'd be awkward...

Anywho... I want to recognize some of the success that has evolved from the insecurities that we writers have, because regardless who you are, you're going to have them at some point.

Ruth Cardello-She's a self-pubbed author who recently hit the New York Times eBook Bestseller list. She's now been on it two weeks in a row and it's such an exciting thing. As if that weren't success enough to be jumping up and down excited for her...She got an agent offer of rep now. And she's done this on her own. She's figured out what works and she's worked so hard at it.

Jamie McGuire-Is the Oklahoma author who wrote Beautiful Disaster which has found its way onto a few bestseller lists AND Warner Bros just picked up the film rights. Now, while I feel happy for everyone, there's a bit of pride I feel from this announcement. I mean, she's an Oklahoma author and that gives me a little more hope. There's just a little extra umph when your hear good news about someone from your state.

Jessica Khoury-Her book isn't even out yet and it's already been optioned. Someone wants to make her unpublished book a movie because it's obviously that effing good. (Now, a producer has picked up the rights to make it a movie, does not mean that it will happen, but eeeep isn't it exciting regardless?) I've not had the chance to read any kind of ARC or anything, but I know that I can't freaking wait for the book to be released. What's that? Oh, whoops, I forgot the title in all my excitement...The book is Origins.

Those are only a fraction of the people who had good news (of course, good news comes in all shapes and sizes so not guaranteeing that all the news this past month had the WOW factor that these three do), but I've *hopefully* gotten my point across.

We all have insecurities, even these ladies in this post, but we push through them because we see what kind of success can be achieved by overcoming our insecurities. And if you don't see it...Look at every bit of good news around you and know that if you want it and are willing to work for it, your day is coming.

So, if you've been feeling insecure lately, remember that. Think of these people and their success, think of someone(s) successful that you know, and know that it can and will happen for you. And always measure success based on the little things. Don't think you need to be a NYT Bestseller to be successful, Ruth has been making sales for a very long time and believe me it was great to hear about those too.

Measure your success by the partial or full request, by a contest won, by sales on your self-pubbed book(s) (ANY sales), mentions and people spreading the word about your work, or even that one lone review you have (or even a few lone-ish reviews :p ) because I promise you, this is all success.

Okay, okay...I realize I've went on and on in this post so I'll stop here. I hope everyone grasped something from this drawn-out thing and I hope too that you all have a wonderful day-insecurities/securities aside.

Happy Wednesday Everyone! :)

Insecurities This Way >>>

It's time for another Insecure Writer's Support Group post. For anyone who doesn't know about it, go here. And make sure you check out Alex's actual blog too-he's AWESOME. :)

So, as I write this, it's Friday, June 22. I'm doing it this early because...I jinxed myself last IWSG post.

If you missed that one, you can read it here.

I posted that my writing things were going good. That I wasn't insecure at all, and everything writerly was good. How did I jinx myself? Every day after that post has sucked. Like, super, major, OMG sucked.

As I sit here right now, I haven't written a single word on my WIP in a week (at least). The last time I actually did write in it, I barely got through two paragraphs. I'm struggling to finish up revisions and critiques. UGH! I used to go through several chapters of crits a day and now I'm forcing myself to get through one. It's sad and I hate it.

I feel like I'm lazy, slacking and failing. I don't like that feeling. No matter how I try to fix it though, I can't. I've been trying and trying and yet nothing happens. It's crap. My friends have said, relax. That it's okay if I take a little time off. For me? It's not okay. I can't relax and be okay with it, not when I have a mile long list of to dos. It just doesn't work right for me.

So, I'm beyond insecure this week. But regardless of anything I said in this post...I'm okay with the insecurities this month, like for real okay. I know I'm not truly lazy or failing, it just irks me that's all. I don't like it and I'm hoping to get back on track ASAP. But I'm okay. This too shall pass, and I will be back where I want to be, before I know it.

How about you? Are you insecure this month? Have you been insecure lately about anything? Writer or not.

Happy Wednesday Everyone :)

Me? Insecure?

Well, it's that time of the month again...no, not THAT time, jeez. I mean it's the first Wednesday and my second post for the Insecure Writer's Support Group! :p For anyone who doesn't know about this group, check out the awesome Alex J Cavanaugh.

Now, to answer the question from my title...Nope, not me. I'm not insecure right now as write this. I haven't been for a few weeks now.

Revisions are going good, in fact I'm very close to being completely done with revisions.

Writing in my WIP is going good. Most days I write at the very least 1k and sometimes even more.

I've found time to work on a ton of critiques and I've been getting great feedback from my CPs.

I 'know' tons of people that have been getting such great news. Publishers and agents, dates for book releases and even some that are just really getting a lot done writing-wise. Plus, several who've entered contests, and for many of them it's their first contest and I'm excited for them getting out there. So many people are getting shit done and I'm so happy for them.

I've even been getting in tons of reading time. Which, is a writer thing because I think all writers should be avid readers.

The point is, this is my second post for IWSG and I have no insecurities to talk about. I wish I could say something and in turn have some words of wisdom or something, but I don't. Sometimes we have bad days or weeks or more, but sometimes we have good ones. Insecurities happen and so do securities. They're both normal things and they both help us to be better, aspire us to do something.

To everyone who's having a rough week, hang in there because your secure week is coming and it's well deserved and worked for. Insecurities are good for the soul, they make you strive for the securities.

Happy IWSG Wednesday :D